www.parrotnaija.com..

Whenever the ranking for the world's best universities is made public, we don't expect to see any Nigerian university among the best. A lot of rot have taken its toll on our educational system, that I need not dwell on that. The problem with our universities, and possibly other tertiary institutions is not necessarily a dearth of infrastructure, but the mediocrity that characterizes the employment of academic staff, as well as the awarding of degrees and other certificates to undeserving recipients. Gone are the days we had quality lecturers who mesmerized students and knock them into quality finished products. Now we have misfits and academically bankrupt individuals masquerading as lecturers. Our tertiary institutions have been turned to business centres, where the highest bidders take it all. Why won't we keep producing half-baked graduates when our university system is filled with mediocres and barely-baked 'lecturers'? However, that is not to say that al

FULANI HERDSMEN ABI HEADLESS MEN? Millions of people worldwide, over the last few months ,have commented and are still expressing gross discontentment over the recent genocidal and unprovoked attacks on southerners by terrorists masquerading as  'herdsmen'. It was never my intention to join the public vituperations over this, but the fact that adequate sensitization is needed especially on the need for vigilance necessitates this piece. One of the problems of Nigerians is the 'medicine after death' syndrome. We are never pro-active and vigilant. I am not here to condemn anyone, no matter how highly placed. When the people of Agatu groaned and mourned, and blood poured, we took with with kid gloves, exactly illustrating the igbo adage that 'e bulu ozu onye ozo,  o di ka ebu ugwu nku'. If you need interpretation, look for anyone one of igbo extraction. We felt that the invasion of Agatu was entirety a Benue State affair. That was exactly how Boko Haram sta

GIVING PIDGIN ITS RIGHTFUL PLACE I know say plenty wahala dey our country Naija today. Anyhow sha, make we chook mouth for something we dey important!  A lot has been written and said about the national language question in Nigeria . ThatNigeria is yet to evolve an indigenous national language is a reality that has been living with us for many ages.In the past and even today, a lot of efforts has been made and a lot of strategies put up by successive governments  towards having a national language of Nigerian origin. This included among othes the popular WAZOBIA solution which hit the rocks as a result of complexities associated with creating a new language. Pidgin was also considered but met with stiff opposition especially from the elite some of who saw pidgin as not only a debased form of English but also one used by the basolect users of English language. Hence, they do not see pidgin as a language of its own. As one of them had opined, “any language must have a standard

YOU MIGHT JUST BE A MURDERER! To murder implies taking someone's life, albeit advertently, at least to a layman's understanding. We are always quick to berate armed robbers, kidnappers and other 'men of the underworld', not forgetting those who kill with 'remote control'(you know what I mean). To many,  these are the dreaded groups of persons to be avoided like a plague and kept at an arm's length. Looking inwards however, we might just have killed or are killing someone unknowingly. How? Killing is not just carried out using firearms or any other physical forms to snuff out life out of someone. Our reaction to situations as well as the choice of words in displaying our emotions can tantamount to murder. Killing one's spirit in the form of our choice of words as well as actions can be graded in the same for as exterminating one's life! When you are dead in spirit, you have nothing to live for again. Using someone's disability (whether ph

Sunday special : When to keep silent! By Chukwudi Anagbogu A young woman once sought the counsel of a priest on how to handle her husband, who always beat her up whenever they had misunderstanding. With a bandaged face, she recounted the series of beatings she had received from her husband, and how their respective families had waded in, all to no avail. The priest instructed her to always fill her mouth with water each time her husband starts nagging and shouting at her,and make sure she doesn't swallow or spit it out till the husband leaves the scene of the argument. That way, according to the priest, her husband will not lay a finger on her again. The lady was full of doubts at this 'unorthodox' prescription from the priest. She had expected the priest to summon her husband and talk sense into him. Nevertheless, she decided to carry out the instructions to the letter. A week later, she returned to the priest full of smiles, "Reverend, what you told me worked pe

Relooting the loots By Chukwudi Anagbogu. 08063305177 For many years, the Nigerian antigraft agency, the EFCC has been allegedly recovering funds looted by prominent office holders. From the regime of Mallam Nuhu Ribadu to the current administration of Ibrahim Magu, trillions of naira have been said to have been recovered. While we applaud this unprecedented giant stride, we often forget to question the whereabouts of these 'recovered loots'. Or are these great recoveries just mere propaganda to make us believe that the war against corruption is actually being fought? It is now common knowledge that Nigeria is currently going through unprecedented economic haemorrhage, worsened by the drop in oil prices. Forget it, Nigeria is poor today because of uncontrolled merciless siphoning of the treasury by every Tom, dick and Harry saddled with the responsibility of managing our Commonwealth. Salaries are not being paid by states who actually get monthly allocations from the fed

Professional Money Ritualists By Chukwudi Anagbogu 08063305177 •Whenever one talks about money ritual, our biased minds always go towards the use of human heads and 'other vital parts of the body ' in exchange for wealth. But, money ritual goes beyond that. It is a general belief that the private sector should help ameliorate the problem of unemployment in Nigeria, putting into cognizance the increase in the number of graduates being churned out of our higher institutions yearly. The expectation is in order, considering the fact that government alone cannot provide employment for everyone, both skilled and unskilled, at least for the foreseeable future. This is where the private sector comes in. They are supposed to absorb those who are not 'privileged ' to secure government jobs either in the civil service or public service. Because of the comatose state of our power sector and complete reliance on importation and 'oil money', there are virtually

Parents of these days... By Chukwudi Anagbogu Parenting is a very good experience ; one everyone, irrespective of religious and ethnic affiliation craves for. However, while childless couples wail and bemoan their fate, those with offsprings equally lament and recount the endless bottlenecks they face while catering for their children. So, being a parent brings to the fore, lots of challenges ranging from the wherewithal to take care of one's child, to managing effectively the child's inevitable behavioural transformations, to mention but a few. It is no longer news that society is drifting towards complete lawlessness and negation /apathy for morality. Academically, socially, morally and otherwise, children of these days have been found wanting. They no longer have respect for constituted authority; they no longer take academics seriously, let alone have interest in religious activities. A lot of people have blamed this anomalies on modern science and technology, which e

When a boss dates his female employees... By chukwudi Anagbogu (08063305177) I went for a medical check up at a private hospital. After the regular preliminaries at the reception with the often lousy and unprofessional nurses, I waited for my turn to see the doctor. Luckily, the Chief medical Director was the one consulting. When I eventually sat face to face with the obese doctor, he opened my folder and after a careful perusal, paused for a few seconds before eventually jamming the bell on his table. Obviously, it was a summon for whichever nurse that was on duty. Within a few seconds, a petite nurse came in. "where did you record the B.P and sugar level reading of this patient? " he asked. The obviously embarrassed nurse waited a while before responding. "I was not the one on duty when he came. It was Confidence that was on duty. " "Fetch her immediately, " the doctor ordered. While waiting for the so called 'Confidence ' to come and e

Secure our daughters please. .. By chukwudi Anagbogu ( 08063305177 )Full version While conducting a counselling class, a young girl named Grace (not real name)with a tear-soaked face and trembling voice, relayed a gut-chilling experience to me. According to her, she had been serially raped by a maternal cousin, Michael (not real name ) who paid occasional visits to her parents' house. Her parents were traders who leave the house very early, only to return very late in the evening, thus leaving her in the 'care' of the cousin, who incidentally was an alter boy and was as well preparing for entrance exam into a seminary school; an exam which he had written many times and failed. According to Grace, her parents had absolute trust in Michael, whom they treat as their own son. The first day it happened, Grace had returned from school and was about changing her clothes in her room when Michael suddenly appeared from nowhere and pounced on her . Obviously her risistance had

Funeral ceremonies : Are we mourning or celebrating? By Chukwudi Anagbogu (08063305177) I nearly fought a friend of mine whose late father's burial I attended. I am not the type that sheds crocodile and deceptive tears at such ceremonies, only to end up with a plate of rice and a bottle of wine moments later. I show sympathy in practical terms. What caused my ire was the lavish spending and squandermania that was evident at the ceremony. To start with, the casket was made of pure gold! That day I saw for the first time, a temporary shed (canopy) fitted with air conditioners, with professional 'ask me' ladies guiding every guest to comfortable seats. There were assorted types of meals and drinks, and by the time the guests went back home, there was surplus left ;some were disposed of in the trash bin. Ordinarily there is no big deal organising such 'a festival ' of a burial, but considering that what killed the man was a medical condition that only a hundred th

Weathering the storm of 'naira fall' By Chukwudi Anagbogu(08063305177) A friend of mine recently 'imported' a 'First Class tokumbo' 14-seater bus. It was when he was negotiating contractual terms with a prospective commercial driver, who he eventually leased the bus to ,that I discovered to my chagrin that a bus conductor plying the Awka - Onitsha road earns an average of 3,000 naira a day as stipends, excluding of course other unremmitted takings which may even be upto the amount. I did a mental calculation and realised that if a conductor works for the entire 30 days in a month, he goes home with 90,000 naira! Instantly, I began to envy them. That evening, I discussed with a friend about the prospect of going into transport business, even as a conductor (forget the graduate stuff, money is money, no matter how it comes, provided it's genuine). I actually met a man in his house who just paid off some workers who did a Job for him at his building site.

Think inwards! How would you feel if you discover that the young, innocent-looking and naive househelp you supposedly rescued from perpetual timidity by bringing her to the city is pregnant for your beloved husband? Or as a man, you return home unannounced to behold your houseboy making out with your wife? That would be unimaginable, right? The above is a regular spectacle in society today. But, the problem with us is that we are never proactive in all we do. We get careless over vital issues, that our eyes only open when the damage is done. Are you a 'madam' who relaxes on the sofa minute after minute ordering your househelp around? Or you are so lazy or too 'busy' to attend to your husband's personal chores? Or you allow housemaids to do practically everything at home, even when you have able-bodied children doing nothing? Or the nature of your work does not give u a second to attend to domestic issues? Then u might have just planted a timebomb whic

Who is really a prostitute? Whenever we hear the word, "prostitutes, " our minds go to those young ladies and of course guys who stand at strategic and vantage locations looking for clients for 'a night stand. ' Often times, society treat them with utmost disdain and derogation. Many see them as society misfits and devils' incarnate, to mention but a few. However, we need to tell ourselves the plain truth by admitting that prostitution goes beyond standing on the highways and trading one's body for money. As far as you go down with someone in exchange for material things, you are not different from the commercial sex workers on the streets. When you yield to someone's sexual demands in order to gain a favour from the fellow, you are prostituting. It doesn't matter where the act takes place( whether hotel, motel, home,church, shrine, market, bush etc). These days, sex is used by a lot of people to attain every single height in the society. Emplo

Courtesy! By Chukwudi Anagbogu An uncle of mine once spotted a beautiful lady somewhere near a carwash. On making enquiries from people around, he gathered that she had a stall at the nearby market where she sold fresh tomatoes. He had wanted to accost her instantly, but thought against it. He wasn't one of the numerous men who run after girls shamelessly on the way. He decided to look out for her at the said market. After having his car washed, he decided to drive down to the market to check on the lady. He had no plans to immediately woo her. He just wanted to have a closer look at her. After all, was it not said that "a mere glance at a plate of soup would either motivate one to increase the quantity of garri one is to eat it with or reduce it." He disguised as a customer as he effortlessly located her stall where she was already seated facing her wares. "How much is your tomatoes? " he asked. "Fifty fifty naira, " she responded more or less

Managing the idiosyncrasies of your colleagues (PART ONE)  By Chukwudi Anagbogu  It is never an easy task to mingle and exist among people from different social, academic, family and religious backgrounds. No two persons are the same, even identical twins have dissimilar behaviour. Hence, without tact and wisdom, one may not effectively manage members of one's family, let alone workmates.  One of the commonest phenomena in a workplace is the existence of 'powerblocs' or 'factions.' Workers pay allegiance to different 'ogas'. Each group is led by an influential member of staff, usually someone among the creme de la creme of the institution. Those in the 'ruling camp' wield so much authority and exude confidence in the office while the 'opposition' camp spend time firing missiles at the management, playing the role of "watchdogs" or "labour union". The latter does everything including blackmail and use of propag

Packaging By Chukwudi Anagbogu Two years ago, I was in dire need of some money to get a publication done in record time. After exhausting all the avenues available to secure a loan to no avail, my mind suddenly went towards a former coursemate of mine Emeka, whom I admired greatly. Even while on campus, he had lived an ostentatious life style. He was the only one in my class that had a car, a Range Rover! Everyone, including lecturers envied him and wished to be like him. Curiously, Emeka had little or no interest in women, but my little closeness to him saw otherwise. He was always withdrawn. Much as I tried to solve the puzzle that was his life, I couldn't make headway. That's by the way, I found my way to his office where he now runs an advertisement outfit. I told him I needed 'just' fifty thousand naira, to be refunded in a month. After waiting patiently for me to reel out my problem, without uttering a word, he retrieved a letter from an envelope and handed i

Coping with your adolescent child By Chukwudi Anagbogu Every adult today passed through adolescence, likewise every infant would definitely meet it before crossing into adulthood. Such is the inevitable metamorphosis one must undergo as far as one is alive. It is a well known fact that adolescence is the most challenging and difficult stage in one's life, as well as in the formation of a person. It is the bricklaying stage in everyone's life. That is why much tact, wisdom and expertise must be employed in handling children at that level of human development. Spare the rod and spoil the child, says the Bible. Many of us were thoroughly spanked and caned by our parents while growing up. Yes, we saw such chastening as an act of wickedness and cruelty, but now we are glad that such happened to us. Meting out corporal punishment to a child is not out of the way, especially in African society. However, it has either made some better while some are worse for it. Why don't s

Abroad in pains! By Chukwudi Anagbogu The craze to travel abroad at all cost by Nigerians did not start today; it backdates to the pre - colonial era, and this post - colonial dispensation, there is no sign of its extinction. The only difference now is that, unlike those days when people fall over themselves trying to secure visas to 'choice' countries like the United Kingdom, The US, France and perhaps Germany, many are now willing to travel to just anywhere provided they leave the shores of the country. One does not fail to imagine what Nigerians are doing in countries like Niger, Chad, Libya, Seychelles, to mention but a few. The false impression a lot of people have about life abroad is very sickening. People think that the moment you board a plane out of the country, your life is made. What a mirage! What about our young girls who see marriage to 'been-tos' as the best thing to happen to them, or the average person out there who exclaims in admiration and env

By chukwudi Anagbogu (08063305177) I went for a medical check up at a private hospital. After the regular preliminaries at the reception with the often lousy and unprofessional nurses, I waited for my turn to see the doctor. Luckily, the Chief medical Director was the one consulting. When I eventually sat face to face with the obese doctor, he opened my folder and after a careful perusal, paused for a few seconds before eventually jamming the bell on his table. Obviously, it was a summon for whichever nurse that was on duty. Within a few seconds, a petite nurse came in. "where did you record the B.P and sugar level reading of this patient? " he asked. The obviously embarrassed nurse waited a while before responding. "I was not the one on duty when he came. It was Confidence that was on duty. " "Fetch her immediately, " the doctor ordered. While waiting for the so called 'Confidence ' to come and explain why she did not carry out one of t

By Chukwudi Anagbogu A lot of people are of the opinion that society at large has deteriorated morally, to the extent that there are hardly women who are 'marriage materials'. While I don't agree with the latter assertion (because I have seen a few who are truly godly at least by certain standards), the issue of moral bankruptcy is not peculiar to the female folk; everyone irrespective of gender is as guilty. Come to think of it, it is surprising that a lot of supposed 'good girls' sit back at home while those believed to be morally out of sorts get married on daily basis. Controversial as u may see this, I believe in the fact that 'husbands' are scarce, let alone the good ones. A lot of girls want to marry men who are rich ,handsome, young and God fearing. Many end up marrying the exact opposite. Well ,that's by the way. There is obvious reluctance on the part of men to marry these days. One may easily point to financial constraint as the main re